Last Updated: 09-03-10 

Please email comments to trjl@hotmail.com

Arriving - posted 09-03-10

Too right I've been busy. Look.

   

Preoccupation - posted 16-02-10

Rolling Stone the Counting Crows, it's only gone and turned into the 16th of February already. The updates haven't been updated, the writing hasn't been written and the sky's getting lighter by the minute. Should we have reported this?

Not much has gone and bloomin' well happened in the last two weeks (an oversight, nothing more) so I will keep this brief. The writing is being written so that the updates can be updated and I can finally announce what's been keeping me busy all this time. It's a secret now, but in the future it'll be a thing of the past. Keeping up? Me neither.

In the meantime, shouldn't you be looking into the mirror? Forget lifestyle changes, take a picture and send it in. Now isn't the time for reflection, it's a time for IM46ES. I bet you'd forgotten, hadn't you?

Writing - posted 30-01-10

I have recently been putting a lot of energy into writing and promoting, but I thought you all deserved a quick message as you've all been so good. The weather outside's delightful, though up north it sounds quite frightful, they're saying it may just snow, but the BBC wea-ther says no.

We have two new offerings in the form of a Lyvit publication, "Coming Up For Air" (Mark Hendy, £4.99) and a guest publication, "However" (Ali Fraddon, £1.50). May I suggest you take a look while you're here?

I've been particularly ill this week and reports from others are that this bug lasts up to four weeks. I refuse to be ill for that long, so I'll give it until Wednesday and then I'll appeal. Wish me luck.

Crackers - Posted 20-01-10

I was given a box of Christmas crackers today. I don't mind, I think we should have them weekly. I don't wish it could be Christmas every week - that's just daft. Crackers are ample.

Posh - Posted 17-01-10

I was the lucky recipient of a meal for two voucher at a fairly swish hotel just before Christmas. You can't beat a good Christmas raffle. With this, I took my wife out for a lovely posh meal, booking our table in advance and being advised that we were allowed to choose from their £30 per head set meal. £30, thought I, how on earth will I manage a three course meal that size?

Being from the wrong side of the tracks ('Droof station being our closest) I didn't realise that by paying more, one is actually entitled to less. The plates may increase in size but the breaded cheese starter was smaller than a beermat and the beef main course, which was delicious I must add, was around the size of a baby's fist. We knew by the dessert that a pizza would be in order and were smart enough not to order another drink, as drinks weren't included in the voucher.

I can't fault the food at all - succulent, rich, delicious and unique, it hit all the right spots on the palate. However, we were both agreed that £30 would have got us a whole lot more at our usual spots and, when we came to pay for the drinks, we nearly died. £6.60 for a large glass of Pinot Grigio and £1.80 for half (HALF!) a diet coke could easily have finished us off.

I think we'll be going back to the two for a tenner deals at the place across the roadf from now on. We've had a taste of the good life, it was adequate, but we were left hungry and dissatisfied. No doubt celebrities frequent these places before venturing to the fried chicken place when the paparazi have left.

IM46ES - Posted 14-01-10

If you haven't seen our MI77OR IM46ES gallery before, may I suggest you check it out soon? We have received images from Robert Llewellyn, Isy Suttie, Richard Herring, Robin Ince, Danny John-Jules and many others in the world of comedy, as well as entries from members of the public. I still find myself going into the gallery and looking around despite being the guy that uploads them when they come in.

In other news, I came across the luckiest builder in the world yesterday as I witnessed him drill through a wall and literally graze the socket on the other side. Fortunately for him (he didn't die, but also) he missed the fridge that we'd just put back in the gap. He checked out the damage before going back to his side of the wall and drilling another hole just underneath it. Am I the only one who considers this a tad on the brain dead side?

In other, other news (snow) there appears to be (snow) no more (snow) snow in Cornwall. We have bright, sunny days with a strong, cold wind. Hard to enjoy, but better than (snow) a kick in the teeth.

More - Posted 11-01-10

"Coming Up For Air", Mark Hendy's follow up novella, will be available very soon. You can currently pre-order it in the online shop and you will be guaranteed a copy from the first print run. Go for it. It's just £4.99 and we're practically out of the recession now.

Slightly off topic - the snow hasn't disappeared as expected and it has led to panic buying everywhere. Bread and milk has been stripped from shops and stocks won't get through for at least the next hundred years according to my friends on Facebook. However, I went out to do our normal shop today and found tons of bread but no milk, as the van was outside and hadn't quite been unloaded. Is this a stock market type rumour to push the price of bread and milk up? Our sources suggest - yes it is. They're unreliable, though.

I also have to mention that the shop was so quiet it was the greatest food shopping experience of my life.

Groundhog - Posted 07-01-10

In the news today - snow. In the news yesterday - snow. In the news tomorrow - probably snow again.

Oh yeah, there was a call for a secret ballot about a leadership challenge weeks before the general election, but that can come later. Just before the ducks skating on the snow. Of course I went out and made the most of it, but I didn't fill my headline program with pictures of people falling over, lorries skidding and reporters with bobble hats on. Yes, it's bad. Yes, people to need to know where, but that's what maps are for. Show some maps and then move on.

I'm not massively political at all, but calling for a leadership challenge near an election is suicide and that may affect how our lives are run for the latter half of the year. Forgive me for thinking that's more important, it was just a silly notion that entered my silly head. Oh, hang on, the BNP have just got in. I have blue eyes and blond hair but my wife doesn't and so she's being deported.

Whoops.

Broke - Posted 02-01-10

I have discussed New Year's Eve with a number of individuals including DJs, friends and prospective customers and we have all come to the same conclusion - people did not tend to go out this year. Obviously the current economic climate (Oh, will that sentence ever pass from our vocabulary?) will have played a big part and supermarkets' cheap beer may have been the final nail in the coffin. However, I wonder if it will ever go back?

Once people start getting used to hosting cheap and simple New Years parties, will they ever feel the need to get back out into the atmosphere of strangers in bars or will they prefer the warm house, familiar company and sleeping where they get tired?

I always thought New Year was about being among big groups of people and soaking up the atmosphere of the year's final event. Granted, I can't comment too loudly as I have generally been out doing discos and entertaining others, but this year my services were not called upon and I used my gear to have a private house party. It was pleasant enough - in fact, I had a fantastic time playing whatever I liked and actually having a drink for a change, but I would much rather have been out there shaking hands with people I only see every twelve months and raising a glass with an array of people. Hopefully this is a blip, but how long can it last?

Quiz - Posted 01-01-10

It's nice to be able to type the date with just three keys.

I normally don't bother with end of year quizzes, but The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year boasted Mitchell, Brooker, Winkleman, Brydon, Brand, Ross and host Jimmy Carr. (I have put 'Jimmy' so that I don't read this in a week and think, 'Alan?')

I have to admit I was laughing all the way through. Normally this would have been at the dry wit of Brooker and Mitchell, but I was leaning more towards the slightly edgier Brand and Ross section of the show ("When Claudia said she was gonna do a horse I perked up a bit"). Is this a new self poking through? Does it matter?

I've noticed myself watching less and less TV as time goes by and it's made me realise that the best TV has been and gone. All that seems to be left that's worth watching are the panel shows and the occasional sitcom. I hate to sound old before my time...actually, no I don't. I'm going to sit here until the next series of The Inbetweeners starts. Or Peep Show.

NYE - posted 31-12-09

It's that time of year where I tend to write very little here and wish you all a Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Keep visiting in 2010 as we're expecting around five new books.

Thank you all for your continued support.

Underhand - posted 29-12-09

I've been sneaking in some writing over the Christmas break and it feels great. I've never enjoyed working while pretending to be relaxing so much.

The world seems to have ceased a bit since Christmas hit, something I will rarely complain about, and the nights are starting to get shorter. Soon we'll be basking in the sun again with a cold beer and seven packets of crisps. At the moment we bask with the beer and crisps, but our feet are cold.

Lists - posted 26-12-09

I'm not against Social Networking sites. In fact, I'm quite a large user of them myself. However, I don't recommend using them to list the presents you've had over Christmas. Just imagine that William Wetpants you went to school with has turned into Billy the Burglar as, statistically, he probably has.

KidTV - posted 21-12-09

As I write this my children are glued to The Disney Channel. If I'd have written this twelve months ago, they'd have been glued to CBeebies. At the time I thought CBeebies was the root of all evil and that anything bad that happened in the world was a direct result of that channel. Now I wholeheartedly believe that it is The Disney Channel that holds responsibility for every hideous tragedy.

They are similar in their condescending tones, but Disney just about has the edge on being annoying. It's not an American thing as I watch a fair amount of American TV, there's just something more bizarre about it. A bear that goes on special assignments? (Note: "Special assignments" include learning a dance, cleaning a bedroom and brushing teeth. Seriously.) Give me that crazy Night Garden program any day.

This is a small service I am now providing to new parents - DO NOT watch that Disney Channel thinking you may be missing out. Stick to CBeebies and trust me on this one. When Big Cook Little Cook comes on, you'll thank me.

Rage - posted 20-12-09

Since 2005 the Christmas number one spot has been filled by the winner of X Factor. The same was due to happen this year with Joe McElderry's single being released on Monday, just in time for the chart today. However, some clever individuals hatched a plan to get the Christmas number one back by urging people to download Rage Against The Machine's "Killing in the name".

This is not a new campaign - people have been trying to get a different song at number one since that fateful day in 2005. Of the campaigns I'm aware of, Cliff Richard, Blondie, Slade and 'Anyone except Rage Against The Machine' have all been nominated for the top spot. The only reason this one has been successful is because Rage have touched the imagination of a generation and put in their minds the vision of a heavy rock song with an abundance of swearing taking the place formerly filled by Bob the Builder and Mr Blobby.

The plan is slightly flawed in that the song is owned by Simon Cowell's arm of Sony, so essentially he will be paid twice as much as if the campaign didn't exist. However, he is so enraged by the idea that he was on Sky News complaining about it, which has proven the campaign to be successful already in one respect.

The campaign is one I truly believe in because the Christmas number one spot used to be something to listen to, mainly due to the fact that so many 'novelty' entries have made the grade. However, recently it has been decided well in advance. "And this year - X Factor. Again". This is a real testament to people power - they have taken back an age old tradition and, therefore, paved the way for the same thing to happen next year.

Naturally there will be the continuation of campaigns like this - the organisers have had a lot of press and people like to get famous for Social Networking campaigns for some reason - but perhaps next year's number one could be a genuine artist who has got to where they are through record deals and hard work. Perhaps it could be a bit Christmassy, even?

Confused - posted 19-12-09

Regular readers have picked up on the unusually grown up nature of yesterday's post, so sorry to all of you for that. Regular service will now resume.

Currently I have three children milling around my living room with a train set out. The eldest is using it as a train set - he has a train and is pushing it along the track. The middlest is using one piece as a microphone and singing along to whatever is on at the time. The youngest is undoing all of the eldest's hard work by pulling up track and hitting herself in the face with it. None of them have tags on, so I haven't a clue who they belong to.

I feel like I should be watching them more closely, but I have adopted a new parenting method that I like to call "SURPRISE!". Every now and then I look up and see what they're up to and, if I were a betting man, I'd be very broke by now as they are never doing what I think they should be. Whatever happened to children taking afternoon naps?

Bandwagon - posted 18-12-09

Recently a stand-up comedian named Johnny Ball (Well respected, for those who haven't heard of him - oh, and he's Zoe Ball's Dad) delivered a set in which he denied the existence of climate change. I am unable to comment on the actual material as I wasn't there, but the general theme was not the opinion of the audience and he received a number of boos before leaving the stage.

Whether or not his material was popular is irrelevant; what is relevant is the number of people who weren't at the gig but have commented on the events regardless. A similar thing has happened recently to Jan Moir, who's article in the Daily Mail caused uproar due to it's comments on the  incident surrounding Stephen Gately's death (rightly so - I HAVE read the article and, whether they are her beliefs or not, the timing was horrendous). Prior to that, Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand were subject to a number of complaints over a phone call to Andrew Sachs. If you don't know the story there, you must have been hibernating for quite some time.

The problem I have is with the number of people who have complained about these events. When these incidents occur, they are often circled on the internet and picked up by people with nothing better to do. They in turn set up their own campaign to get the responsible parties to be suspended/sacked/castrated for their actions despite the fact they would never have come across them had they not had a phone line into their email box.

Celebrities and media personalities are generally advised to limit their offensiveness as much as possible, but when they do over step the mark it is not our obligation to butt in and phone every radio show in the land over what may have offended us if we had tuned in. This applies more so for late night radio and TV (where children will not be listening or watching and presenters/actors are allowed more freedom) as I would never complain about swearing after the watershed regardless of how much there is. If I'm offended by a program I switch it off. Likewise, if I go to a show and don't like the entertainers I know to avoid them in the future. So you paid twenty quid to get in? You won't be doing that again. A valuable lesson for just twenty quid.

If you are in a "THAT RUSSELL BRAND SHOULD BE BANNED AS I HEARD ONCE THAT HE WAS SAID SOMETHING BAD" group may I suggest you leave it now. Ricky Gervais has said some pretty close to the wire things but I don't see many groups wanting to ban his act. Likewise if you saw Johnny Ball and didn't agree with him, don't see him again. If you didn't see him I find it unlikely his words will have enraged you too much.

Back - posted 17-12-09

After a long time out for various reasons (mainly social networking), I have decided to return to my blogging roots. This is how I started, how I evolved from a poet to an angry guy with a lot to say about nothing, and how I used to entertain myself before annoying people by commenting on their statuses. I'm not entirely sure why it annoyed people, but it did and so I continued.

I have decided to put my energy back into this page because nobody can comment after me, few people can get offended and, most importantly, if people do get offended they can't tell the world what an awful, awful person I am. Hey, I'm pretty sure the world knows already. This is my page and nobody can take that away from me. Probably.

It'll go the same as before - I won't go into too much detail about anything as that would be too political, so I will hint at hating something and then leave you all wondering what I actually meant. It's worked well in that way for years, I see no reason why it shouldn't now. Due to time restraints I won't be able to re-read posts or correct spelling and grammar so ssome thijngs nmay not nmake sense. I do not apologise for this, as I have decided to stop apologising. Sorry about that.

Comments can be directed to my email address as above, and I will endeavour to answer all as quickly as possible unless I don't like the implication of the comment. Welcome back, humble reader, and thanks for paying attention for so long.